Schizophrenic world

I think I must be schizophrenic.

I seem to live my life in two halves. I behave in distinctly contradictory ways at different times and have problems  harmonising these two parts of my personality. Should I be sectioned?

Split PSplit P

Well perhaps not but perhaps my dilemma is not uncommon and could provide a useful indicator of the health of our civilisation – perhaps not – perhaps I am becoming pompius.

When I rise in the morning I am very similar to a Cadavera. I drag myself around, shave, shower and drink tea. I do not  sleep enough and so am tired.

I then climb into a car and drive a ludicrous speed for about an hour. During this time a sub personality kicks in. I am eager and alert. I do not understand why. Just a few minutes earlier I could have turned over and gone back to sleep.

I enter “the office” feeling like a character from Metropolis, walking awkwardly up a giant idiotic ramp from the car park to the revolving door entrance. I drink coffee. I stare vacantly at my screen.

After a short while my first personality kicks in. I am knowledgeable, interested and persevering. – Always in threes, always threes. By afternoon I am office worker personified. If women adored office workers the way they adored pop stars I would be Robby Fucking Williams.

In the late afternoon I drive home and my sub-personality kicks in again.

Friday night I unwind. I drink a glass of wine. I might work on some photographs. I might write an article. The thought of sitting in an office with a window I am “not allowed” to open just two feet away is so abhorrent I wonder if I am able to face Monday. My weekend is spent feeling as an outsider. Do I really work in an office. Can I ever wear shoes again? Do I believe in anything?

I am serious. I cannot decide. When I am at work I see myself as some decisive, opinionated expert. When at home I see decisive, opinionated experts as wankers. I enjoy the grey areas. The contradictory. The dream of “travelling the world and living more simply” – Yet by 10am on Monday morning I’m back in the rat race.

Can someone please explain.

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2 comments

  1. I inadvertently purchased a box of Honey Bunches of Oats with Chocolate Clusters instead of my usual plain Honey Bunches of Oats. I noticed my error this morning whilst eating it. I have two personalities. One was appalled by the imposition of dessert onto breakfast. The other loved its chocolately deliciousness. I’ve left these two personlities to duke it out in the kitchen while I get on with my life.

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