Everything is everything else

Look suspicious?
Look suspicious to you?

A good week for the Talking of Bollocks with the detritus of Britain’s discredited elite desperate for our attention. Convicted felon and newspaper magnate Conrad Black, freshly released from an American prison, somehow weaseled his way onto every news and chat program in the UK using the opportunity to bang on about his supposed innocence. One wonders if all ex-cons will be allowed such media access or whether this will be reserved for those with royal connections and pots of money.

On Saturday Jeremy Hardy, who makes a living alleging prejudice in others, thought he’d engage in a little of his own during BBC Radio 4’s News Quiz when he suggested that Jimmy Saville should have been suspected of being a paedophile because of the way he looked. “How much more of a child abuser could you look like than Jimmy Saville for God’s sake!” hollered Mr. Hardy to uproarious laughter. But should people in glass houses really throw stones?

Ed Milliband made a speech attacking Jeremy Clarkson for making jokes about depressed people attempting suicide. Why do politicians think that their role is to comment on TV presenters? That’s my job. Attacking accepted hate figures is mere rabble rousing and Mr. Milliband’s patronising assumption that the depressed have no sense of humour is wide of the mark and not borne out by the number of comedians who suffer from this disorder. If politicians are really interested in helping the depressed they might consider replacing themselves with competent leaders with vision and integrity.

On Monday BBC Radio 4’s Food Program discussed food in football and documented how the “pie and pint” mentality had been displaced amongst professional footballers by attention to the nutritional effects of food. However, the supporters still want burger and chips so Islington council’s environmental health team worked with chip vans to reduce portion size and provide salt shakers with fewer holes.

The reporter stated that “Good food is now part of the Manchester City brand” and Head of Sales at Manchester City, Danny Wilson, claimed “ultimately it’s about adding value to a supporters experience on a match day”.

Ah, so that’s what football is about. It’s been said that the soul of football is “passion, community, honour, even beauty” but it seems in 21st Century Britain the soul of football is “added value”. This ties in nicely with Tuesday’s report on the closure of New Scotland Yard accompanied by the elimination of almost half of the front counter officers at police stations in London some of which will be replaced by officers at supermarkets.

There’s a new mobile phone company named Everything Everywhere. It’s a good name and it symbolises what is happening to our society.

Everything is becoming everything else.

In a society geared totally around capitalism there is no room for anything which does not drive profit. We want everything to be about nothing more than efficiency and added value. In my lifetime super markets have gone from selling just groceries to supplying clothes, electrical goods, alcohol, drugs and banking services. Now we are to have a bobby behind the checkout counter and since politicians consider that their role is to “communicate a message” then why not move their “services” to the supermarket too? A Politicians isle? Down the right, the more economic Tory brands and down the left, pay a little bit extra for universal health care from Labour. Stacked at the end are the odds and sods bin for the Liberal Democrats, Greens and Ulster Unionists. Efficiency and technology mean we can vote out the government and report crimes while we scan our meat pies!

Rape madame? Certainly, that’s Isle 5 and we’re doing a two for one offer on Vitullo kits.

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